my heart breaks for you

"What would you say if I told you I didn't want to go to church anymore?"
           "Just this church, or church altogether?"
"Church altogether. When I was in first year, I went to a party on my rez that my friend was holding. While I was there, I felt so out of place and I wanted to be anywhere but there. That is how I felt at church today." 
           "Maybe just this church isn't for you"
"It's not just this church, it's all churches."


.............


"You have to be seeking after the Lord in order to find your answers. And pray that your heart will not be hardened."
            "That's the thing, my heart is already hardened."


T_T
It kills me to have to witness the loneliness and depression that has overcome your life. 
I feel so hopeless... all I can do is pray.