failure.

I feel like such a failure. 


So finally, all my marks came out and they weren't that great. Actually, they were horrible. Not that I didn't see it coming, but I don't know what to do! Should I stay in science? My parents keep telling me I should try business/accounting or linguistics(?) -.- My mom also suggests that I leave university, and go to college, where I can study a more specialized occupation...
I don't feel like I'm good at anything or that I enjoy anything.  


Today, my brother also got all his marks too and of course, they were so good; a few A+'s, A's and A-'s. My parents said they "were proud of him." He also applied to medschool this year and he's waiting for his results at the moment. Wowww, why did my parents saying that to my brother make me feel so insignificant? I should only be desiring the honour that comes from God alone! 


Recently, I've been wanting to go to medschool as well, but my marks are preventing me from trying. The other day, my mom told me that she would be supportive if I wanted to go for medschool. Today, she told me that I had to set a realistic goal and again, she suggested linguistics. Apparently, I'm good at learning languages...
*sigh*


Deep down inside, I know that I'm not doing the best I can. Even though I feel like school work consumes a lot of my time, I feel like the time spent on it is not "hardcore," and I tend to get distracted by a lot of things...


I know I shouldn't, but by growing up with 3 older siblings, I just can't help but compare myself to them. The oldest, a scientist; the second, a lawyer; the third, future doctor; the youngest...


Comparing oneself to others usually leads to bad outcomes. Like Joseph and his brothers. Not that I'm going to sell my brothers into slavery or anything like that. 


I wish I could restart university...
What do I doooo?
I'll try to keep this in mind.